Snow White and the Seven Weasleys
by Fallen Althea
Summary: The world of fairy tales and the wizarding world collides when Snow White suddenly ends up in the Burrow. With Naked!Draco, Er!Ron, the rest of the Weasleys and crazy fairy tale characters.
1. Part I

Title: Snow White and the Seven Weasleys  
  
Author: Fallen Althea  
  
Summary: The world of fairy tales and the wizarding world collides when Snow White suddenly ends up in the Burrow. With Naked!Draco, Er!Ron, the rest of the Weasleys and crazy fairy tale characters.  
  
Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns Harry Potter and all its characters. The Disney Company is responsible for all the fairy tale characters included in this fic.  
  
A/N: I was feeling rather stupid while watching Shrek on HBO last night so I wrote this equally stupid fic. I hope you enjoy them anyway...  
  
==  
  
SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN WEASLEYS  
  
Part I:  
  
==  
  
Once upon a time, in a kingdom far far away, where men were still men and women were still virgins, there lived a maiden in the name of... Snow White...  
  
[Enter Snow White in the forest, overly cheery birds chirping everywhere.]  
  
SNOW WHITE: Oh! Pity me! For I am beautiful and a princess but hated by my stepmother! stops Oh wait! Quick! Quick! Look at me petting a bird! Oh! Pretty bird, do you adore me? Yes, yes, notice my flawlessness! Look at how perfect I am! Admire me quick!  
  
[Breaks into a Disney song with the birds as back-up singers.]  
  
SNOW WHITE: La la la la la... La la la la la... La la la la la...  
  
EVIL BIRD: Chirp! Chirp! Chirp!  
  
SNOW WHITE: LAH... LAH... LAH.... LALALALA...  
  
EVIL BIRD: CHIRP! CHIRP! TWEET! CHIRP!!!  
  
SNOW WHITE: Are you threatening me?! grabs evil bird in the neck and chokes it to death There you go...nice birdy...  
  
[Enter another person.]  
  
THE GUY WHO WAS ORDERED TO KILL SNOW WHITE: Thinking aloud I can't kill her! She's too beautiful! So utterly perfect! Goggles  
  
SNOW WHITE: May I help you?  
  
THE GUY WHO WAS ORDERED TO KILL SNOW WHITE: Hurry princess! Run! Run for your life! The queen has ordered me to deliver your heart to her but I can't! For you are too sweet and kind and generous, too—  
  
SNOW WHITE: Okay stop! I knew this was going to happen! Do you reckon that—  
  
T.G.W.W.O.T.K.S.W.: Just trust me princess! The queen is an evil evil person!  
  
SNOW WHITE: I know that! I was just thinking that if we can actually think of a way to—  
  
T.G.W.W.O.T.K.S.W.: I know that it's hard for you to understand, but you stepmother wants you dead! Run! Run my sweet princess! Never return to the castle ever again!  
  
SNOW WHITE: Okay! Okay! Hold your horses! I'm running, I'm running!  
  
==  
  
SNOW WHITE: running and running and running... and falls into some kind of...portal? I can't see! Oh no! My perfect hair's being ruined! Help! Somebody hand me a cooooooommmbb!  
  
==  
  
[Meanwhile, back at the castle...]  
  
THE QUEEN A.K.A SNOW WHITE'S STEPMOTHER: looking into a magical water basin I knew that stupid servant would betray me! Ha! Snow White, feel the wrath of the... wizarding world!  
  
THE GUY WHO WAS ORDERED TO KILL SNOW WHITE: Your highness, I present you the—  
  
THE QUEEN A.K.A. SNOW WHITE'S STEPMOTHER: Save it! snaps fingers Guard! Feed him to the...no! I have a better idea. Sell him to Cinderella's stepsisters!  
  
THE GUY WHO WAS ORDERED TO KILL SNOW WHITE: Nooooooooooooooooooooo!  
  
==  
  
[And to the Burrow]  
  
GINNY: Ron! Help!  
  
RON: What?! rushing over to his sister  
  
GINNY: Boggart! Boggart! Boggart! Kill it Ron!!!  
  
RON: finds Ginny huddled in a corner with a naked Draco doing an exotic dance in front of her Holy Christ! Wake me up people! This is not funny anymore!  
  
GINNY: Ron!!!  
  
RON: RIDDIKULUS!  
  
[Boggart goes all poof!]  
  
RON: Your worst fear is a naked Draco?!?  
  
GINNY: goes all red I'm afraid that I might not be able to control myself.  
  
[The two of them hears a commotion downstairs.]  
  
CHARLIE: Ron! Fred, George! Uh... anybody? We got a... er... visitor over here...  
  
RON: turning all blue in the verge of puking all over the floor We better get downstairs.  
  
GINNY: Right.  
  
[Downstairs...]  
  
RON: Finds Charlie goggling at a pretty girl who is furiously patting her hair down. Er...  
  
UNIDENTIFIED PATTING OBJECT: Looking warily at them I need help! This is an emergency! Does anybody have a comb?!  
  
RON: Er...  
  
GINNY: I...I have one. Here, have it!  
  
UNIDENTIFIED PATTING OBJECT: Accepts brush Thank you so very much! You have no idea how much this means to me! starts to brush hair feverishly until it's all silky and soft There! I'm all better now!  
  
RON: Er...  
  
GINNY: Good for you!  
  
CHARLIE: Snapping out of his reverie Can... can we help you with something else? Who are you anyway?  
  
GIRL WITH THE NOW SHINY SILKY HAIR: Oh... well, I'm Snow White!  
  
[Snow White gets introduced to all the Weasleys and they move to the dining table. Very boring stuff.]  
  
SNOW WHITE: staring at Bill Oh no! Your hair! It's gorgeous! Much prettier than mine!  
  
BILL: Thanks... I guess.  
  
GINNY: So you mean your stepmother wanted you dead so she can have the kingdom and your dad all to herself?  
  
SNOW WHITE: Yeah, something like that... Did I mention about the uber windy portal? Oh my God it almost dried my hair! It was horrible!  
  
FRED: voice in false falsetto Really?! Oh my God!!! Call the Aurors! Quick! We must save this princess's precious locks!  
  
CHARLIE: So back to your story... I can't believe that there's another dimension except from the muggle world and ours!  
  
SNOW WHITE: Ugh! Your dimension is loads better! You won't believe the hellhole I've grown at! Competing almost everyday with that slut Cinderella and that whore Sleeping Beauty! And Belle! That bitch! Just because her monster lover turned out to be a charming prince, she thinks she's on top of the world! I would've gone back but there's this thing about evil stepmother wanting me dead, remember?  
  
BILL: Then what are we all here hunched up for? Let's do something! Throw pies at her window or... noticed people's stares ... or not.  
  
PERCY: That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard!  
  
FRED: Shut up!  
  
GINNY: We cannot absolutely go to their dimension! It's much too dangerous! Ron! Back me up!  
  
RON: Er...  
  
GEORGE: Hey, I have a kind of crazy idea.  
  
GINNY: Those are never comforting words coming from you.  
  
==  
  
A/N: Well, obviously, this fic isn't finished yet. I planned it to be a one- shot but I don't know what happened with my brain so... tell me what you think anyways! Next chap coming up real soon. 


	2. Part II end

Title: Snow White and the Seven Weasleys  
  
Author: Fallen Althea  
  
Disclaimer: HP belongs to JK Rowling, fairy tale characters are mainly from the Disney Co.  
  
Spoilers: Nothing really but I don't exactly pay attention if I'm including something spoiling or not so just better watch out. There are also private jokes about my other fic.  
  
A/N: This fic is stupid, yes I know. Read it anyway because it's fun reading something stupid. Heh... There are no more chapters after this one. Find out why by reading on.  
  
---  
  
Snow White and the Seven Weasleys  
  
Part II:  
  
---  
  
GINNY: This is stupid.  
  
FRED: What? George's idea or this fic?  
  
GINNY: Both.  
  
FRED: I agree with you on that one.  
  
BILL: sighs Yeah, we're not even funny.  
  
CHARLIE: So much for a humor fic...  
  
SNOW WHITE: What are you guys talking about?! I thought we're supposed to go back to my dimension and kick the hell out of my stepmother?!  
  
GEORGE: That's my plan, but... nah! Too boring.  
  
SNOW WHITE: What?! Hellooooww? Notice me people! Remember me? The whole point of the story? Ron, you agree with me, right?  
  
RON: Er...  
  
SNOW WHITE: Ugh! You useless –  
  
PERCY: Hey! What do you mean the whole point of the story? It's called "Snow White and the Seven WEASLEYS"! WEASLEYS!  
  
SNOW WHITE: Yeah well, in my opinion it should be called, "Snow White and the Completely Useless Bunch of Red-Heads".  
  
BILL: Hey! My hair's much more beautiful than yours!  
  
SNOW WHITE: Oh! As if!  
  
BILL: You're the one who said so!  
  
SNOW WHITE: I was being polite.  
  
BILL: You call that polite?!  
  
CHARLIE: Oh God! The plotlessness of this fic is hurting my eyes!  
  
GINNY: Yeah well, it's hard to endure a writer's pathetic attempt to write a humor fic when she's better off writing something about me being Malfoy's maid with a blind brother and an excruciating long and depressing plot that she can never seem to finish.  
  
CHARLIE: Oh! I know that! Was I dead or in Azkaban?  
  
GINNY: Hmm... Funny, I don't remember. Ron, do you remember?  
  
RON: Er...  
  
CHARLIE: Hey! Say something different! You're starting to be a very boring character, you know.  
  
RON: I'm trying to stay on character! The "summary" says I'm supposed to be Er!Ron. I'm just obeying the author's direction.  
  
SNOW WHITE, GINNY, CHARLIE, GEORGE, FRED, PERCY, BILL: Ooooh...  
  
FRED: Now what?  
  
GEORGE: I think the author's trying to wrap this up. How about tying up the loose ends?  
  
CHARLIE: How could a plotless fic have any loose ends?  
  
GINNY: Dunno.  
  
PERCY: How about the uncharacteristic disappearance of our parents?  
  
BILL: Good one!  
  
GINNY: Well, the story is called "Snow White and the Seven Weasleys", so if mom and dad are here, then it would be called "Snow White and the Nine Weasleys" and it would not agree with the classical "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs"...  
  
CHARLIE: But where are they?  
  
FRED: Probably lost in another dimension of logical fanfiction.  
  
SNOW WHITE: Okay, that's all sorted out. Now, what about me?  
  
GEORGE: What about you?  
  
SNOW WHITE: Well, what will happen to me next? Are we supposed to magically enter my fairy tale dimension and wreck havoc and chaos for the good of everything good and do a Harry Potter heroism movement against my evil evil stepmother? Or do we just...I dunno, stare stupidly at each other or something?  
  
CHARLIE: Well, according to the Rules and Regulations of Useless Plotless Fics, the Code of Conduct of Writers with Writer's Block and the Federation of FanFic Writers with Mental Disorders, it would be just fine if the story just ends here, with no sense whatsoever.  
  
GINNY: Oh.  
  
BILL: I guess that's cool.  
  
FRED: Wait, we would be following it more if the author promised more chapters to come with even more plotlessness and then not update ever again!  
  
GEORGE: Oh yeah! That would be awesome!  
  
FRED: talks to the author What do you think?  
  
AUTHOR: More to come! Please please please please please please please please REVIEW!!!!! That would make me really really really really really really HAPPY!!! OK?! OK!!! Next chapter: MORE FUN!!! And don't forget to MAKE A REVIEW! That would make me write the next chap really really really fast! Thanks!  
  
BILL: Cool.  
  
GINNY: So, are we done?  
  
RON: Er...  
  
Everybody stares at him  
  
RON: What? Just trying to remind the viewers that Er!Ron is still here!  
  
PERCY: Now what?  
  
FRED: I'm bored.  
  
GEORGE: Me too.  
  
CHARLIE: Come on, let's go sulk in an angst fic.  
  
FRED: Good idea, even though I'm most out of character in those.  
  
RON: I'm going back to being blind.  
  
GINNY: Me too. I'm going back to the manor and be Draco's sex puppet even though there's nothing going on between us. Yet.  
  
GEORGE: Percy, what are you gonna do?  
  
PERCY: Nothing. Fanfiction writers don't like me very much. I'm rather a decoration on Weasley fics like this one... Now I'm feeling depressed.  
  
BILL: We're suffering the same curse Percy. And even though I'm much more attractive and less annoying than you, my charming character is always shoved back to the barely there category.  
  
PERCY: Pity you.  
  
SNOW WHITE: I'm going back to my fairy tale dimension although I have no idea how I got here or how I'm going to get back.  
  
PERCY: You do that.  
  
FRED: Yeah.  
  
GEORGE: Bye.  
  
CHARLIE: Good luck!  
  
BILL: Take care of your hair.  
  
RON: Er...  
  
GINNY: Ugh! Damn this! looks at readers Go away! The story's over! Go and read much stupider humor fics! Shoo!  
  
---  
  
A/N: That's it! You've wasted time already by reading this, waste some more by reviewing! 


End file.
